SECRET SAUCES RADIO #023: CHRISTMAS

Merry Christmas!

Here are some notes on the twenty-third 'Secret Sauces Radio' mix - a fun-filled Christmas spectacular - which can be listened to on Mixcloud here...

SECRET SAUCES RADIO INTRO IDENT

Jackass "Santa Colonic" sample

This is Johnny Knoxville, dressed as Santa, with 'Santa' and 'Claus' written on each arse cheek, getting a colonic. This was one of the first things shot for Jackass back in 1999, appearing at the end of the original internal pilot VHS which has subsequently leaked, showing MTV their hopes for landing a Christmas special episode. This stunt did find a home on TV in the final episode of the first season back on the 19th November 2000.

1) R.E.M. - Ghost Reindeer In The Sky

The a-side of R.E.M.'s '1990 Holiday Single', a Christmas tradition of the band dating back to 1988 where they sent members of their fan club an exclusive Christmas-themed release. Most of the early releases had holiday music on them, but they soon became releases of demos and rarities not of the Christmas variety. None of these have been collected anywhere - there could be a good R.E.M. Christmas album in all of that material!

2) THE FLAMING LIPS - Christmas At The Zoo

Taken from the band's 1995 album 'Clouds Taste Metallic', their last with the uniquely talented guitarist Ronald Jones, who has been a recluse ever since his departure. I hope he's doing well. For Record Store Day 2016, The Flaming Lips released an alternate mix of Clouds Taste Metallic entitled 'Lightning Strikes The Postman' (title taken from another track from the album), featuring only Ronald's guitar parts, on CD paired with a cute comic made by Wayne about Ronald.

3) ZOOGZ RIFT - Santa's On A Diet

Taken from Zoogz' third album, 'Ipecac', originally released on cassette on Snout Records in 1984 before being reissued by SST in 1987 on vinyl. No CD release still, but it is available digitally thanks to Zoogz' ex-wife Laura's loving care of the departed legend's catalog.

Here's the lyrics to get you in a festive mood: "Santa's on a diet, now he has to eat shit instead of those stupid candy canes. It all started when he accidentally sat on one of his elves and farted, and turned him into smelly elf soup. As punishment, he was forced into exile to a San Fernando Valley health spa, where they forced him to take off his clothes and embarrass him, and degrade him in front of his reindeer who fled in confusion and horror off into the sky. Luckily, his famous white beard was long enough to cover his tiny penis which had gone soft in the cold shower. Everyone had to leave the steam room, so Santa would have room to sit down. Some idiot threw him a medicine ball, but it bounced off his belly and knocked down the wall like the Battle of Gettysburg and the Battle of the Bulge. When he got home, nobody recognised him. Instead of a chimney, he could fit through a keyhole like a skeleton key."

4) DESCENDENTS - Christmas Vacation

Taken from Descendents' second album, 'I Don't Want To Grow Up', originally released on New Alliance in 1985 after Milo graduated from college, then reissued by SST in 1987... until 2025 when Descendents and ORG Music got the rights back to reissue it!

5) X - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

When guitarist Billy Zoom re-joined X in 1999, 14 years after his departure, it had been six years since the last X studio album. It took them ten years to release new studio material in 2009, the two track single 'Merry Xmas From X', which included this track and 'Jingle Bells'.

In April 2020, X surprise-released their album 'Alphabetland' during the COVID lockdowns, their first studio album since 1993 and first with Billy Zoom since 1985. Then they released another in 2024! Likely to be their last, though.

6) THE FALL - No Xmas For John Quays

From The Fall's debut album, 1979's 'Live At The Witch Trials'. No Christmas for junkies.

7) SUGAR - Gift

The opening track from Sugar's third (counting the 1993 mini-album 'Beaster') and final album 'File Under: Easy Listening', released in 1994 on Creation and Rykodisc.

8) GANG OF FOUR - Return The Gift

Taken from Gang Of Four's 1979 debut album 'Entertainment!'.

9) THE POP GROUP - Snowgirl (Dennis Bovell Dub Version)

The original version of this track can be found on The Pop Group's 1979 debut album 'Y'. This new dub version was released in 2021 on the 'Y In Dub' album, featuring new dub versions of all the original album's tracks by original album producer Dennis Bovell.

10) MR. PARTRIDGE - I Sit In The Snow

From the 1980 album 'Take Away/The Lure Of Salvage', credited to Mr. Partridge. It's in fact Andy Partidge and John Leckie creating post-punk dub versions of XTC tracks with new vocals and melodies on top, though most aren't obvious. For the curious, this is based on the track 'Roads Girdle The Globe', found on the band's 1979 third album 'Drums and Wires'.

11) DE LA SOUL - Millie Pulled A Pistol On Santa

Taken from De La Soul's 1991 second album 'De La Soul Is Dead', this track better than most demonstrates the group's newfound maturity with its harrowing tale of childhood sexual abuse and eventual murder of the perpetrator by the victim.

12) SCHA DARA PARR - Santaful World

A Christmas 12" single by Japanese hip hop legends S.D.P., released on Major Force in 1992. You can find this on the 1994 S.D.P. CD compilation 'The Poten Hits - Singles Collection', and the instrumental version 'Sanastic Mix' appears on there too. That instrumental can also be found on the 1997 Mo'Wax box set of Major Force instrumentals 'Major Force - The Original Art-Form', released on CD and vinyl.

13) KRISTIN HERSH - Christmas Underground

Taken from Hersh's 2016 double album 'Wyatt At The Coyote Palace', which was originally released as a book with the two CDs inside, along with a regular 2LP vinyl release. It's since been reissued by Fire Records with new artwork. For some cheerier Holiday Hersh, check out the 1995 EP 'The Holy Single'.

14) THE BEACH BOYS - The Man With All The Toys

Taken from the Beach Boys' Christmas Album from 1964.

15) YELLOWMAN - Children Saw Mommy Kissing Yellowman

The highly prolific Yellowman loves Christmas, and has a whole bunch of re-worked Christmas songs in which he inserts himself into the lyrics, replacing Santa. This is my favourite.

16) MOGWAI - Christmas Steps

This is taken from Mogwai's second album, 'Come On Die Young' from 1999. An earlier version entitled 'Xmas Steps' can be found on their 1998 EP 'No Education = No Future (Fuck The Curfew)'. Mogwai of course took their name from the creatures in the 1984 film 'Gremlins', which is set during Christmas.

17) GUIDED BY VOICES - Father Sgt. Christmas Card

Taken from the band's 2002 album 'Universal Truths And Cycles', their grand return to Matador after two albums for TVT Records. Still waiting for a vinyl reissue on this one!

18) HÜSKER DÜ - We Wish You A Merry Christmas

Taken from a 1986 promotional cassette for radio stations sent out by their new label Warner Bros., this oddity has never appeared on another release, like all of the band's Warner Bros. b-sides which are trapped on old vinyl.

SECRET SAUCES RADIO OUTRO IDENT

Thanks for listening and reading. New 60 minute music mixes are uploaded to Mixcloud every once in a while and I will post accompanying notes, with pointless trivia and endless links for you to enjoy.

See you next time - happy holidays and a happy new year!